Sunday, July 01, 2007

Do you know?

Do you know what it's like to look in a mirror and not recognize yourself? I mean, literally, look, look away, and then realize a moment later..."That was ME in that mirror!"

Have you ever wept tears of joy looking at the man you've made of yourself?

Do you know what it's like to have women hounding YOU?

Ever look at at beautiful woman only to realize she is the one doing a double take back at you?

When was the last time you surprised; nay, flat out SHOCKED yourself with something you've accomplished.

Have you ever said, "I never knew I could be so happy." So happy, that you're almost scared at how good it's getting. In awe, wondering, "How much better will this get, and who will I be then?"

And that's where it ended for me. As soon as it was all going great, I threw it all away. As soon as I started wondering, questioning, doubting if I could handle it all, it all went away. I didn't throw it away consciously. I just focused for a moment on fear, took my eye off my goals, and they were swallowed alive by life itself. Life interrupts death; death conquers life.

So be it. This has happened to me before. Hopefully, it won't happen again. There's no reason to worry about that right now though. For me, for now, I need 100% focus on my upcoming success.

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting for the old, but on building the new.”Socrates


Jess said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean... I've been soooo close to may ideal weigh (and shape), but suddently, as you say... I JUST BLEW IT !!!

I've been searching about this, and perhaps there is a "hidden" reason to beat myself.

Now i'm back on track... I wonder how are you doing right now?

You, the quote lover.... please keep this one:

"Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries".
James A Michener

Please, your comments... !

Josh said...

How am I doing? Strikes and gutters. I'm trying to keep my head above water and not beat the shit out of myself when I fail. For some reason, I've learned to be hard on myself in the past. That no longer serves me, and I must change it.

The stupid thing about being down is that you start beating yourself down further just for being down? What the hell point does that serve?

It reminds me of abusive boyfriends who yell at their girlfriends, "Why don't you lose some weight, fat ass!" That's the type of internal dialogue I have some days. I'm in an abusive relationship with myself.

If someone talked to me the way I talk to myself, I'd whoop their ass.

Kim Ayres said...

We are our own worst enemies, without a doubt.