Thursday, June 29, 2006

Chasing the Dragon

When I started my Transformation two years ago I wrote a note on day one, "Chest so sore I can't sit still. Pecs twitching involuntarily." This was serious.

I told my trainer that if I have to hurt this bad, I'd rather go back to being drunk and feel the hangovers.

He told me I'd one day crave this pain. I looked at him like he was stupidest muscle head I've ever spoken to.

Today, almost two years later, I'm wobbling around today on sore legs from Tuesday. I LOVE IT! I look forward to tearing the crapola out of my chest tonight in a search for that first, elusive pain I once had.

I believe if it were heroin I was addicted to as opposed to working out, this would be called, "Chasing the Dragon." We're all addicted to something; just choose an addiction that serves you well.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006


In his own words, Allen, aka Living Again at tells how he went from being this guy:

To this guy, in ONLY 12 WEEKS!

I had a slight technical problem with the first Podcast, so it's going to take me until tomorrow to get the first audio up. Cut me some slack, I'm a noob!

Sneek peek, up only for today...for now.

this is an audio post - click to play


Too much or too little gymnastic exercise is fatal to strength.

Similarly, too much or too little meat and drink is fatal to health,

whereas a suitable amount produces, increases, and sustains it.

~Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics, Book II

Shawn Phillips: Igniting the Flame of Intensity

Shawn Phillips: Igniting the Flame of Intensity

I cannot believe I haven't shared this here yet. The BEST article ever on what training is all about. Here are some quotes from the man best known for his abs:

"It's no longer just about the size of one's biceps, but about the nearly unlimited potential of the mind, body, and spirit—the full potential of being."

"For millions more in gyms across the country, this kind of total engagement of body, mind, and spirit has the power to transform—and the greatest impact is rarely in the weight room. Even when all else seems to be going against you, focused, mindful training can facilitate a deep and ever-expanding spiritual life."

This is why I enjoy the "practice" of lifting weights.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Glycemic Index, Insulin and more you should know.

If you can just understand this, you'll be able to make the right diet choices in any situation. This site has taught me innumerable things that helped me lose weight.

Taken from

What is important when differentiating between various types of carbohydrates is how rapidly a particular carbohydrate will turn into sugar and raise blood sugar (glucose) levels, the body's source of energy for most activities. Read more here...

Please, leave some feedback

This blog is for you. As much as I love to feed my own ego, I want to teach others, and inspire others.

So what do YOU want to see? More articles like "But I had the Chicken!"? How about pages like the PMS page, or Thyroid Page? Audio Blog?

I'm going to start an audio blog, hopefully by weeks' end. Let me know what you want to hear.

How Your Thyroid Works from

Day One.

I've let myself go. I didn't think it was this bad. The scale tells me it's not. The pictures tell a different story.

The scale tells me 208.6. I once saw mid 198, so I'm officially 10 pounds up to start. I think I look worse than 10 heavy. However, that just tells me the first 10 are coming off quick, as it's fresh fat. Just a theory.

The blood pressure was 106/55, the resting heart rate 52, and the temp 96.89. This tells me I'm fit, yet have low metabolism. All of these taken first thing in the AM, before getting out of bed.

Why temp? Thyroid function. If it's good, I'll be warm. If not, I'll be cold. I need to get my metabolism fired up. I've always been low, but I'm not sure how low. Recently, I've been in the 96's a lot. NOT GOOD.

The high for the day was my 20 minute cardio, Body for Life style. What is a level 10? Contemplating your own mortality while trying to get your legs to move faster.

My weight goals are on fitday. My measurements will be on Body for Life Tracker tomorrow.

It's late, I'm tired, and will work more on this tomorrow. I'd give myself a 5 out of 10 today overall. I will become a much, MUCH more organized person by the end of 12 weeks.

Monday, June 26, 2006

I got it out of my system

The urge to cheat, the urge to drink, even the urge to smoke.

I went out on Friday and Saturday nights, and lived my old life. Here's what I've learned. THAT is a tough life. A Body for Life way of living is cake compared to that crap. Jeez. How did I ever do it so long?

Sunday cheat day started with a mac and cheese breakfast (yeah, that's right), then a scone from Starbucks, A full slab of ribs with mashed potatoes and fried cream corn balls (don't ask). THEN I had 20 wings and a bbowl of fries at Hooters. I couln't bring myself to drink beer. I even had two smokes left over in the car, and the thought of them made me sick.

Back to Starbucks for a Vanilla something for dessert, and I feel like HELL. Throughout the day I've not only felt sluggish, but depressed and irritable, anxious (very anxious), and kinda like the world is just a crummy place to be in and everyone in it sucks. I feel no love in me, or around me.

Hmmmmm...just like I used to feel.

What comes first, the physical or the mental? Tomorrow starts the new test. I know I'll have to push through a few days here to get going again, but once I do, this positive cycle will spin...just like the negative one has.

12 weeks from now, I'll be what I've been talking about.

I've figured out my "why" and will share it in my next post. Maybe do an audio blog on that one. I'll also update my measurements, weight, plan, etc. tomorrow. I've got a good post about my normal day, and WHY I do everything I do.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Can't wait for next week!

Next week I will be getting "on the plan". This time off is brutal. I'm going nuts not being in the gym. I'm eating often, and A LOT, which was needed to reset leptin, and get it out of my system. I'm soooooooooooooo sick of eating. I'm looking forward to next week in a big way.

For those of you who read my rant, sorry about that. That's the only time I'm going to do that. That helped me purge, and make changes. Here's the progress:

1) Girlfriend and I parted ways very peacefully. I love her and miss her, and KNOW I cannot ever be with her. I suppose this is what you ladies feel when you have one of them emotion thingees. God, that must suck to have these all the time ;)
2) Remaining calm, trying to get my lawyer to fight for me. So far, it's 2 months and the court still hasn't been able to provide a transcript. I'm going to get the Nixon Tapes when they're done. I'm laughing at it at this point. If not, I'd cry.
3) I took a temporary position with a fat full time paycheck. I'm going to be on the road 45 hours a week. I'll have to prepare EVERY meal ahead. I'm excited to test my discipline, and make some $$!
4) Allergies are OK; managed. Taking a nose spray about once every 4 days until I have a more permanent solution. I still hate perscriptions, but I had to do this. Next Dr. visit on Tuesday.

That's all for now. I'll update 5 and 6 as I have news.

Thanks for all the kind words, everyone. I'm happy to inspire some of you. Just make sure you come back and show me pics when you're ready to. I'll be here, showing off some myself.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

So I stole this picture.

I stole the body in the last pic, obviously. Am I a bad person? No.

I tried to email the guy, or leave a comment on his blog, or anything. I have no idea how to reach him, but if anyone does, his site is

Now, why did I do it? I have been stuck at around 200 for a WHILE now. Too long. Yes, I got to 11.3% bodyfat once, but that's not good enough for me. I have never seen my abs.

I believe that first you see it in your mind, and then you'll see it in the "real world". So one night, I'm randomly surfing and bump into this guy. He's wearing the same "posing shorts" as me, and standing the same.

What was I to do?

Hopefully when he finds out I stole his body and replaced his head he's flattered.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

But I had the chicken!

I hear it all the time. People tell me they go out to eat, but they were "good". I have no doubt that everyone tries to make good choices while eating out. However, the cold, hard truth is that unless you see the nutritional information, you don’t know whether or not you’re being good.

Let’s take a look at a glaring example. You’re going about your busy day and find that you’re hungry and need food now. You know fast food isn’t ideal, but maybe you’ll go to Chipotle and try to eat something healthy. In fact, you’re so nutritionally educated, you know to skip the burrito shell because of the white flour and high fat content that it contains.

So you’re going to do a "healthy" burrito bowl, right? You’re even going to skip the sour cream and cheese because you’re going the extra mile on your diet. Nothing but meat and veggies, right? So what’s your best choice?

Common knowledge would lead you to believe chicken and veggies is a wise choice. Let’s take a look:

4 oz Chicken, 219 calories, 101 calories from fat, which makes it 46% FAT.
3 oz Fajita Vegetables, 100 calorories, 70 calories from fat, so 70% FAT!
That doesn’t sound healthy!

In fact, the steak, which most would consider the worst choice of the three has 108 of its 230 calories coming from fat, making it only 47% fat; only 1% more than the chicken, and 23% LESS fat than those "healthy" veggies!

So how are you supposed to eat healthy when going out? In my experience, it is nearly impossible. Now, that isn’t to say I didn't or don't go out. Just when I do, I know I’m not going to know what I’m really getting, so I get what I want.

Yes, you heard me right. Ninety percent of weight loss is in your mind. So allow yourself to go out, and enjoy a guilt free meal on occasion. How can you eat out and not beat yourself up? Eat half the normal restaurant portions (which are HUGE), and eat healthy, home prepared meals most of the time.

How often is too often? Well, how healthy do you want to be?

As a sidenote, if you were unaware, it's worth pointing out that McDonald's owns Chipotle. Leave it to a clown to make chicken unhealthy.

Can Food Alter Your Mood?

This is an article I LOVE and agree with wholeheartedly. I'm thinking I may bring articles like this to your attention every now and again. Should I do that here?

Feel free to leave me feedback on what parts you like/don't like so far.

Can Food Alter Your Mood?
By: Deborah Kesten, MPH

The foods you choose may influence your behavior and emotional well-being.

Food and Mood by Design

"In the past, whether food worked for you or against you usually was a matter of luck or choice. It no longer has to be that way. With all that we now know about the food/mind/mood can begin to select (food) that will power your brain, modify your moods, and in the process make you a more effective, motivated, and perhaps even more contented individual." Judith J. Wurtman, Ph.D. Managing Your Mind and Mood Through Food

Imagine choosing one type of food to alleviate anxiety, another to bolster brain power, or yet another to curb your urge to splurge on that donut. A new field of pioneering nutrition research, often referred to as the study of food and mood, is confirming what many of us have always suspected: What and when we eat can affect our mind and mood, the tendency to pile on pounds-even the quality of our lives. For example, to curb the urge to splurge on that donut, you could instead choose a lower fat sweet/fat food combination, such as graham crackers, fig newtons, or hot chocolate made with skim milk.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

New blog name.

I beleve I am going to change the name to

But I want your feedback first!

I see that there are a few people who have been following this blog now. I am eager to hear what you think.

I will be going "live" June 26th, next Monday. That is the deadline for this next round of Body for Life Challengers to sign up. I'm ready to finally submit my packet to them, and win what has been rightfully mine now for a year... $1 Million dollars.

Official Body for Life Challenge Registration

I'm also starting a smaller online group at If you want to be a part of the group I'm starting online, I think I've got a name.

Friday, June 16, 2006

I need just one person.

Just one person to be responsible to. I'll start with just one. JUST START. Baby steps on the bus there Bob.

After I get one, I will get two. Then three. Then four. This doesn't sound like rocket surgury, does it?

But it is, if you get wrapped up into it, and forget what the first step it. And that is what?

Just one.

Clean and green.

Since no one has any idea what I speak of besides me, I'll leave you with this parabole, to make up for my foolish post today.

For the record, I'm totally distracting myself with nonsense because of the breakup. I'm doing some dumb things right now, but will be 100% on diet and workouts June 25th. I think that's the date. It's coming soon.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Howstuffworks "How PMS Works"

Treatment for PMS: Diet

The best article to explain the coorelation between overeating, hormones, and "brain chemicals". It's real, fellas. Now read up, and sympathize with your lady, and earn some brownie points already.

Friday, June 09, 2006

I need your help and feedback.

this is an audio post - click to play

The stressors in my life.

I refer to these as "stressors" as opposed to stress. Why? I honestly believe that it's only how we deal with events that cause stress, not the events themselves. That is, if someone tells me I'm fat, I have two options 1) Stress out over it because of anger, hurt, etc. 2) Think of it as a great thing, telling me I need to step it up a notch and therefore being happy that this person has helped me.

Goofy? Yes. Effective? Yes.

So, onto my list of stressors. (or is it stres-sores? hmm..)

These are the things I've choosen to focus on, rather than focusing on my goals.

1) I've breaking up with someone I love. We love each other, and hurt each other. Try as we might (even with a counselor), I cannot get myself to want this. If I wanted it, I could make it work. How can I get myself to want something?

Therefore, at this point, I cannot make this work and need to get out as unscathed as possible while not hurting her any more either. Not the easiest task. Hell, with the amount of energy I put into trying to get out, you figure I could find a way to want it, and stay in, eh?

2) I went to jail two weeks ago for contempt in a CIVIL case. I fight things on principle. There's a big long story to follow about how I fought this case on my own and made a judge rewrite an unlawful order he made. I won the case!

And then he came after me. Since then, I got an attorney, and he's informed me in no uncertain terms that I am 100% within my rights, should not have been thrown in jail, and there is no legal reason for me to go to jail, yet the judge will throw me in jail again soon if I don't settle this issue by paying.

I know this sounds like total horseshit, but I will have audio of the court transcript shortly (2 weeks) where you can hear the judge admit in open court that I did follow the order, but he decided before the hearing on what my sentance would be. HUH? That's not legal.

If I fight for what's right I go to jail. What would you do? Much, much more on this later.

3) I'm broke. Not somewhat, but I dug myself a deep, deep hole when I was fat drunk and lazy. I hang my head in shame.

My parents keep telling me they'll give me more money so I don't go further into dept. You cannot borrow your way out of debt. However, they get upset with me when I don't take their money.

Again, this is all how I handle it. I can get angry at them for it, or I can let them get upset and not respond. It's tough to do what's best for me, yet make Mom and Dad upset. I thought at age 31 I'd get over trying to please Mom and Dad.

Not sure I can get over my need to please the parents, but I need to do what's best for me. I bet you all wish your parents would give you money, eh? Trust me, you don't want it. It's torture.

4) My allergies run my life. I'm trying to manage them. I need shots. I was given oral steroids and antihistamines, an OTC nose spray and prescription nose spray, a nose washing system, prescription eye there anything else? The only other oriface they could ask me to jam something is through suppository.

And I don't even take aspirin!

I have take a little bit of what they've given me, but only when I get real bad. How bad? Sneezing literally 30-50 times an hour, eyes near swollen shut, cannot drive, hard time even breathing.

I'm not bitching, I'm just wondering what I can do with my hatred of medicine and my debilitating allergies. Suppose I'll need to get rid of one of those things. I have indoor and outdoor allergies, so I cannot stay inside and manage them, unless I have a newer house with no mold, dustmites or cockroaches (my indoor allergins).

Which leads me to my next issue...

5) I cannot sell my house until it's restored and working in this dust makes me sneeze.

Now I just feel like I'm bitching. I write to organize my thougths. Somehow reading this makes me look at these issues from an unemotional angle.

I need to:

1) End it already and move on.
2) Swallow the pride and just write a check for pragmatics.
3) Work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week now that I don't have the girlfriend.
4) Take the meds as prescibed and be a zombie until the shots start working.
5) Sell the house any way possible and move to my friend's house on the mountain (literally, ON a mountain) in New Mexico where I won't have the allergy outbreaks.

Now, why is that so hard? Why is common sense not common practice? Why do I go back and forth on each of these issues, trapping myself into a lose/lose proposition? Emotions??

I thought emotions come from ovaries. Do I have ovaries?

Step 6, get my ovaries removed.

*EDIT* You know, looking back on this, I actually feel pretty good that I'm even eating right. Most people would go to jail OR break up with someone and fall off the deep end. I've done both and come out OK. AND I've got a BUNCH of other major stressors to deal with on top of all that. I need to cut myself some slack, and be proud that I'm not gaining weight.

"The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving."
Fredrick Harrison

Thursday, June 08, 2006

New before and afters.

This is what I look like this week:

and this is the next "after" pic, end of this summer.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Another test

I know I said I wouldn't do it. However, I've got spare time...obviously. I stole this guy's pic:

I would have asked him if he minded, but I don't see how to email him or leave comments. So, I hope he thinks imitation is the most flattering form of...uhm...whatever.

Friday, June 02, 2006

John Basedow

From Fitness Made Simple. I may have pasted my head on his body....maybe. I'm just seeing what I'm going to look like with sculpted abs (and oil.)

An image I made for my Fitday Journal. That's where I have the core details, the "how to", the "soup to nuts", nuts and bolts, ins and outs, the DETAILS. Got it?

We'll see what this looks like. It's not a live link here, but over in the tool bar it should be. This is "none" for alignment. Yes, this is the last test.

Another titleless post. Again, this is experimental.

This ought to be interesting. I just threw this together to take to Fitness by Design, a local personal training facility.

On that note, I guess I do have some content. I interviewed there last week. As much as I wanted to want the job, I didn't. I could have gotten on there, but something told me it was not the place for me. Too big, too structured, and too impersonal for me. However, it got me headed in the right direction.

Even finding the wrong path is making progress sometime.

This is the most recent close up of me. I'm only posting here to see what "left placement" looks like. This BLOG is a learning experience in html design for me. It's not too difficult, but like anything new, there's a little trial and error.

Kinda like weight loss. You see what works (and will find what doesn't) until you get the hang of it.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Still eating healthy

It's a way of life now. I cannot cheat during the week without feeling terrible. A cheat is now eating too early, or having a protein bar when I should be having a real food meal. My standards just keep getting higher.

Isn't that what it's all about in life? Constantly raising your standards and bettering yourself? I'm about to step it up another notch.

I'm not happy with my progress. I'll post again with the new, new plan. It's simple.